WHY SEX FEELS TOO INTENSE SOMETIMES

Lately I’ve noticed a new level of intensity showing up during sex with my partner. Sometimes it feels so intense that my body needs him to slow down or stop altogether.

I always know when things start to feel intense (maybe even scary or alarming to a part of me) that I’m expanding my sexual consciousness and energy body.

It might show up as my partner’s thrusts feeling too deep, too powerful and too confronting. 

It might show up as feeling dizzy and lightheaded when I breathe more energy up my spine and into my brain or head.

It might show up as contraction, tension or pushing away deep in my pussy near my cervix if I’m pleasuring myself with a wand and have opened my cervix to a new state of vulnerability and exposure. 

While this might seem like regression or stagnation in my sexual healing and awakening journey, what it actually shows me is that I’m upleveling in my sex life. Or rather, I’m experiencing a new level of sexual energy in my body and nervous system that I’m not used to.

There is always a contraction before an expansion. They’re a dance. 

Therefore, it feels too intense…like it’s too much to handle and I can either kink or allow the flow of energy.

If we kink the flow of sexual energy, it becomes detrimental to our overall well-being and sexual vitality (more on that below). If we allow the flow of sexual energy to continue, we essentially train ourselves over time to feel safe holding, circulating and channeling larger amounts of energy. 

I love talking about how we’re not usually used to handling large amounts of energy in our bodies and nervous systems. Especially sexual energy.

But sexual energy is love energy is money energy is creative energy and so on. It’s all energy and how much of that energy we’re used to holding, circulating and channeling can tell us a lot about our sabotage patterns when a new layer and level shows up…and it might feel super intense at first.

So what might we do? Cut it off. Shut it down. Slow down. It might feel like you close up and regress. You might fight surrendering into it.

When this intensity has been showing up, I feel like I’m at a threshold where I can either let go and trust my body to return after it or stop it altogether.

I’ll admit, I’ve been slowly working my way into handling this intensity more, but I’ve been too afraid for full surrender. I also feel like this is training me not only for more sex, love, money and all of the good stuff, but training me for birth.

So I ask you this: when a new level of energy shows up in your body and nervous system (whether it be love, sex, money, pleasure, creativity, success, etc.) how can you edge your way closer to holding more of it and circulating it instead of cutting it off?

I know that I need to practice this in my daily sexual practice through self pleasure, breath work, dance and allow myself to get used to this new level so that when I engage with my partner I can let go of my fears and trust the energy. I want to surrender fully to that energy.

So I practice holding it in my body in larger and larger amounts each day and surrender to what’s there. I toe the line of that threshold between holding back and fully letting go, closer and closer in each moment.

What kind of solo practice can you begin? Breath work and self pleasure (both of which are sexual energy cultivation and circulation practices) are my favorite ways to train my body and nervous system to hold more energy.

You can get a free breathwork practice here to get started on your journey to upleveling sexually and holding more sexual energy.

ACCESSING ALL THREE PARTS OF THE BRAIN & WHY IT’S ONLY DONE THROUGH SOMATIC OR EMBODIMENT BASED MODALITIES

Breathwork and other sexual healing embodiment practices are so powerful because they activate and work with all three regions of the brain: the cortex, limbic and reptilian. 

Sometimes when we’re trying to expand or uplevel in our lives and hold more money, love, power, sexual energy and such, we’ll approach it from an entirely conceptual or intellectual level.

Something like talking therapy, which is great when combined with other embodiment and somatic practices, only accesses the cortex brain region (thinking brain) — not the limbic (emotional or mammalian brain) or reptilian (oldest brain).

There are many other modalities that bring in and activate the limbic brain, which allows us to get in touch with our emotions, sensory response and things like fear and past memories. Yet, they still don’t unearth the oldest part of our brain, which is necessary in order to fully process and experience healing on the deepest, most fundamental level.

The level that includes thoughts, emotions, memories, fear, fight-flight-freeze, pleasure, arousal, trauma and more. This is where we bring in in our reptilian brain along with the other two regions. 

The reptilian brain (brain stem) is our ancient brain which governs things like the fight-flight-freeze response, digestion, breathing, heart rate and other bodily functions.

It’s also the storehouse for our trauma.

So in order to let go of trauma — or rather the after effects of the past traumatic situation — other blocks like fear and fight-flight-freeze energy (which often are the things that hold us back from being able to handle, circulate and have more good things in our lives like money, pleasure, love, good sex, abundance, etc.) we have to bring this part of our brain into our healing modalities. 

The reptilian brain is wired to keep you safe, yet it can often hold onto things and repeat protective mechanisms long after they’ve originally served you.

This is why it’s so powerful when animals shake off the fight-flight-freeze energy from their bodies after escaping a predator. They are allowing this energy to come to full resolution — to completion.

This is exactly what we need as well. 

Otherwise if we don’t take this physiological approach to releasing the energy, it will stay stuck in the body and nervous system, resurfacing when we experience a situation that feels similar or familiar to the initial violation or danger. 

In these familiar-feeling instances, the limbic brain will have an emotional and sensory response to the current situation yet experience it in the body as if were the original violation, danger, perceived threat, etc.

It’s essentially stirring up the past memory as if it’s happening again. 

The cortex would then move into overthinking overdrive, analyzing similar feeling situations and responding accordingly. 

Meanwhile the reptilian brain would cause that energy to course through you, pumping out hormones like adrenaline and cortisol in preparation for fighting or escaping the so-called danger. 

Even though this so-called danger could be coming up while you’re in the middle of having sex or self pleasuring. A new level of energy begins to flow through your body and you immediately shut down or feel like it’s too intense to handle. 

New levels of pleasure, love, sexual energy and joy can feel overwhelming to a brain, body and nervous system that perceives that amount as “too much” in comparison to the safe level it usually allows. 

This is why doing breathwork, self pleasuring, using a jade egg, dancing and doing other practices that break you out of your inhibitions and take the body on a deeper, almost shamanic journey are so powerful.

This is also why I study, practice and weave so many Tantric and Taoist sexual practices into my work. They access all three regions of the brain, bringing them online for deeper healing.

 

THE DRIVE TO EXPAND & 3 LEVELS OF SEXUAL ENERGY

There’s no need to feel shame around where we are or the responses we have when it comes to our thoughts, past memories, emotions or physiological responses. You are meant to experience higher, deeper and more expansive states of pleasure, sexual energy, bliss, love, abundance and joy.

Think about your sex drive. This is literally your innate drive to reproduce. To thrive. To grow. To evolve and continue as a species. If we don’t evolve, we stagnate and that means we die. This stagnation or death can be applied on all levels; biologically, emotionally, sexually, spiritually, intellectually. 

Sexual energy is the expression of your sex drive and it has many levels to it.

The primal, biological level of sexual energy, which is wanting to fuck (merge) and reproduce to further the species. This is called Jing in Taoism and is said to be highly concentrated in the kidneys. Jing is that juicy, aroused feeling. The swelling in your clitoris and genitals or in the head of a man’s cock. The desire for another person. 

The kidneys also tend to become iced out with fear so this can affect how much your sexual waters flow and, when icy and stagnant, can be the source of all kinds of ailments from painful periods, PMS, kidney infections, bladder infections, reproductive issues, etc.

This is another reason why it’s important to learn how to harness and circulate sexual energy, cultivating it and moving it into the next levels so that your Jing can be restored and not depleted. Working with the kidneys and ovaries can be helpful for awakening Jing and sexual, creative energy. 

Next, you have the life-force level of sexual energy, which begins to rise up the spine, unlocking the chakras (energy centers) in the body, unleashing stuck emotions and allowing whole body pleasure and orgasms. 

This is where we begin to harness our sexual energy as creative energy and life-force energy for more vitality, growth, creativity, abundance, pleasure and love. This is where we begin to enhance our youthfulness and ability to feel rejuvenated and energized and using this energy to manifest our desires, creating our lives by design. This is Chi in Taoism.

Then, you have the advanced level of sexual energy, which is used as spiritual energy. This is where you merge in love and union with the divine, yourself and perhaps even a lover. You become One spiritually.

This form of sexual energy is called Shen in Taoism and is used for self-actualization, which is about becoming a better version of yourself or rather coming into WHO you truly are as a divine being and becoming more of your true divine self.

Here you completely shed the layers that hold you back from being in alignment with your truth, purpose and divinity. 

It’s awakening to deeper and higher states of consciousness and connecting with the divine (or the Tao as the Taoists call it, which means “the way” or “the path” or source of all creation).

Shen — spiritual sexual energy — is merging the divine and sex with love and consciousness to expand, awaken and reach enlightenment or what I call embodied enlightenment where body, heart and soul are One (including our sexuality and erotic nature).

It’s life-force, sexual energy merging with consciousness. Or the merging of Shakti and Shiva in Tantra.

So now that you know more about what happens as you uplevel sexually, why healing needs to touch all three regions of your brain and the three levels of sexual energy, let’s look at some practices for allowing all of this.

 

MY FAVORITE PRACTICES FOR UPLEVELING YOUR SEXUAL ENERGY IN A SAFE, SOMATIC & HEALING WAY

Breathwork. Like this practice that I created. Don’t let the name of this practice fool you. It’s not only training you for whole body orgasms and pleasure, but it’s creating deep healing on all levels as well.  

Jade Egg Practice. A regular and consistent jade egg practice where you spend 10-30 minutes 3-4 times per week (which is how it was originally taught and practiced 5,000 years ago by concubines in the royal court in ancient China) going deep into your vagina, nervous system, body and all three regions of the brain.

Going deeper into your vagina allows you to go deeper into yourself sexually, emotionally, mentally, spiritually and more. It’s deeply life-changing. You can get a free guide on how to begin your jade egg practice by downloading my ebook 7 Jade Egg Secrets for Deeper Vaginal Pleasure & Orgasms. 

Full Body Shaking or Kundalini Shaking/Osho Meditation. Shaking your body out allows you to enter an almost trance-like state over time where you allow the shaking to take over you. The shaking happens to you rather than you doing the shaking.

It can lead you to ecstasy. It’s even more transformative when you bring in deep breathing through an open mouth, sounding out on the exhale and letting yourself go completely. This kind of surrender to the shaking allows you to access that deep layered healing. 

Kundalini Shaking allows your Kundalini (sexual energy) to rise up your spine, which generates even more healing as it clears and activates your chakras. 

Self Pleasure. When you take the time to bring pleasure to your own body and pussy consciously it affects you on every level, because your’e allowing yourself to experience sex as a conscious, loving and healing experience.

Again, bringing in breath, sound, conscious touch, movement and sexual energy circulation through these things, you are activating yourself and training yourself to handle, hold and circulate more energy. 

All of these practices will help you train yourself, slowly and gently (but also powerfully), to incrementally increase your ability to handle new levels of the good stuff.

Whether the good stuff is deeper penetration with a lover, more pleasure, love, money, spiritual awareness, creativity or orgasmic ecstasy, you’ll feel safer to surrender to these uplevels in your sex life. Even if it feels too intense or like it’s “too much.”

I’d love for you to comment below and let me know…

• How do you handle new amounts of sexual energy in your body and nervous system as you uplevel in your sex life?
• How do you handle more money, love, pleasure, creativity, etc. as you uplevel in your whole life?
• When it feels “too intense” what are your sabotage patterns or habits that kink the flow?
• How can you allow the flow rather than kink it?

xx

Amber