As we prepare to enter into the enchanting, sultry and seductive season of Autumn in the Northern Hemisphere, I find myself taking inventory of how much I’ve shifted and changed over the years.
Over the past three years specifically. Three years ago marked a very important moment in time for me.
A moment that etched itself forever into the intricate web of who I am now and how I show up in the bedroom and in life as a result of this unfolding.
A sovereign moment and the first evocative dance I began to have with sensuality and eroticism. It was the beginning of remembering my deeply erotic nature.
After ending a rather tumultuous relationship, entering into a new one, ending that one and realizing I had some core wounds around love, sexuality, intimacy and safety in my body that needed some really deep healing, I decided to accept my initiation into the erotic.
I didn’t realize that was what it was at the time, but reminiscing now and over the past couple of years, I realize that it was.
The erotic had her wicked way with me and she continues to do so to this day.
I remember those nights…lounging around on my old loveseat in the cottage I had just moved into in October of 2014.
Wearing black lingerie, sipping on rich red wine, seductively feeding myself bite-sized pieces of dark chocolate.
Writing poetry by candlelight and moonlight. Weaving tales and writing erotic musings on paper about this newfound seductress. This sensuality and erotic pulse flowing through me.
Opening my heart. Softening my body. Aching between my legs. Begging for me to learn how to make love to and fuck myself open.
Deeper. Wider. Softer. Surrendered.
The erotic initiates me deeper right before and during Virgo season every year. The autumnal energy casts me under her erotic spell. I uncover and unearth more layers of myself as a sexual woman.
Rich, earthy, murky…it’s like I’m descending and rising at once.
Into the darkness to play with shadows. Yet into the lightness of service. Into the depth of heart and the orgasmic nature of erotic innocence meeting my darkest sexual priestess, witch and seductress.
Don’t let the erotic fool you though. It’s not just about sex or seduction. That is a big part of it and often the most alive part of it for us.
Sometimes reveling in my erotic nature is putting on a pair of cozy socks, cuddling up in bed and doing absolutely nothing.
Sometimes it’s taking a walk and feeling the hardness set into my nipples as the wind dances across my breasts through my shirt.
Sometimes I dance with the erotic in a dark, lusty nature…a nature that isn’t always easy, safe or digestible to others.
That’s at least what my ego whispers seductively to me anyway.
So often, I keep the full expression to myself. But I’m working to share it more with my partner. And I’ll be the first one to say…that’s not easy.
It’s not easy to feel that I’m too erotically charged at times. Too much. Too sexy. Too sensual. Too much…And other times, feeling like I’m not enough.
There are ebbs and flows in sexual energy and how we relate to and desire to express or dance with the erotic.
Feeling like we’re too much or not enough sexually is an illusion that keeps us from having reverence for the cyclical nature of eroticism and not only that, but understanding that eroticism is not just sex or sensuality. It’s life-force.
It’s a heartbeat, the flutter of a hummingbird’s wings, the taste of a warm mug of dark hot chocolate on a breezy day.
Yes, it’s also my desire to fuck or make love with myself and/or my partner. Yes, it’s my inner longing to express myself through lingerie and stockings…or nothing at all.
But it’s also the joyous purrs of my cats as they snuggle in my bed. It’s the delicate unfurling of red rose petals in the sunlight. It’s the deep gaze into your lover’s eyes as they stroke you.
The erotic is simply everything. I’m devoted to honoring and remembering the erotic in some way every single day.
Behind closed doors when I’m feeling safe, open and ready to be claimed and fucked by myself and my lover.
When I’m offering my services and gifts to women and creating in the world.
When I’m preparing myself a meal in the evening by candlelight, dropping into my hips, casting sensuous love spells on my food as I drop each ingredient into the pot. Like a cauldron filled with erotic love potions.
When I’m out in the world and know that I can turn within, drop my awareness between my thighs and raise that erotic energy up into my heart…into my third eye and beyond.
When I’m looking into my own eyes in the mirror after a powerful solo sex magic spell has been completed, feeling my erotic energy and sexual power thrumming through me, flushed, entranced and completely awakened.
When I’m looking into my lover’s eyes as he thrusts his cock deeply into me, holding his steady, present gaze, opening my heart and legs wider to let him in. Letting his cock come into me deeper, meeting him with my cervix.
And even if there is some pain, numbness or emotion present, I breathe into my erotic energy. I open my heart. I soften open. I melt into this feeling within me. I become hypnotized by it.
And I devote myself even more to the moment of pleasure, love and orgasmic opening. Like an offering to the erotic.
I keep showing up, day after day, night after night. Letting the erotic initiate me over and over again. Letting it seduce me over and over again. Accepting, taking, allowing this erotic claiming.
I say yes to whatever the erotic is going to invite and initiate me into…it’s all I can say.
xx
Amber