I had the hottest Valentine’s Day sex because I centered my own pleasure

Let’s play a game of truth or dare, shall we…? But first a quick story from today to illustrate the point of this cheeky game.

My partner and I had a 2-hour sex date today and it was so HOT because I CENTERED MY OWN DAMN PLEASURE THE ENTIRE TIME. BTW, we’ve been together for 9 years, we live together and have a child together.

We had a bit of a rough morning…we were all sick this past week, our house was a mess, we hadn’t had alone time in a while and we’d both dropped back into certain patterns and habits.

I also sensed that my partner has gotten way too comfortable in our relationship and hasn’t been treating me like the Goddess incarnate that I am. My standards have evolved and because I’m the type of woman who centers herself, I knew I needed to remind him of who the fuck I am.

I also had to remind myself of that (which is why I prioritize consistent erotic practice and pleasure rituals that help me remember every single day). Once I dropped our daughter at childcare, I decided I was going to come back into the house centering MY OWN pleasure.

We took a bath together, had some deep conversation, I shared some stuff that was on my heart in a direct way. Channeling my inner Dominatrix and Goddess for sure.

He asked me what I wanted and I told him directly that I wanted him to worship my pussy for as long as I wanted. Which is exactly what happened. I gave him direction, but allowed myself to lie back and fully receive.

He fed me chocolate and raspberries. Stroked my pussy exactly how I wanted for over 30 minutes. Then, massaged my whole back and hips with oil before we moved into intercourse where I had the most earth-shattering vaginal orgasm.

I had him doing my MELT pussy stroking and massage technique that helps me relax, release tension from my pussy AND enter an extended orgasmic state. I teach the MELT practice in Jade Egg Sexual Mastery and an extended orgasm stroking technique in my Orgasmic Pleasure course.

My pussy was engorged fully by the time we had intercourse and I felt ecstatic the entire time he was stroking me and beyond. Yes, your pussy engorges (like how the penis gets erect when aroused, but it’s different for women).

Your whole pussy, inside and out, gets puffy, warm and soft as it fills with blood. Making every single stroke orgasmic. You can even get so open, aroused and engorged that your pussy draws something into it naturally…this makes sex PLEASURABLE rather than painful.

I know most women are saying yes to penetration when they’re not even 5% engorged and aroused. Let me tell you…engorged sex is SUPERIOR and literally ORGASMIC.

I was able to guide him, direct him, tell him what I want because I know what I want. I know it from first hand experience. Literally. I’ve brought myself to orgasm THOUSANDS of times. I self pleasure several times per week (in many different forms).

I know when the pressure is too hard or soft. When the stroke is too fast or slow. When I want something different or for him to stay right there…yes right there, just like that. I also know that when I center MY pleasure, it brings him pleasure too. But it’s FOR ME.

I’m no longer in my head worrying if I’m taking too long or rushing to get him off. I see my pleasure as a gift to him. He’s lucky to be in my presence as I convulse with pleasure.

Now onto our sexy little game of Truth or Dare…Truth?

How selfish and self centered are you when it comes to your own pleasure and sexual satisfaction? Especially when a lover or partner is involved.

Do you ask for what you want? Directly and often? Do you let yourself lie back and receive no matter how long it takes because you know your pleasure matters?

Would you be willing to lie back for an hour…or two…and FULLY open, relax and receive while your pleasure strokes, massages, worships your pussy?

Or would you squirm, feel awkward, shy, like you’re taking too long? Would you rush yourself? Get frustrated and give up your own orgasm?

Would you stop them and put your attention on them and their pleasure? How willing are you to CENTER yourself? Your pleasure? Your satisfaction? Your desires—inside AND outside of the bedroom?

Do you feel like sex and pleasure often revolve around your partner’s pleasure and orgasm? It starts when they’re ready and ends when they’re done?

We all have a pleasure capacity. Meaning how much pleasure and sensation we feel comfortable receiving before we hit our limit.

Most women I know have a very little pleasure capacity. You’re not to blame. We live in a Patriarchal society that doesn’t value a woman’s pleasure. You’ve likely been taught and conditioned (especially by religion) that your pleasure doesn’t matter.

That your sexuality is reserved for a man and all about bringing HIM pleasure. That your body is sinful and doesn’t even belong to you. That your desire is bad, wrong or something to hide away or only bring out for a partner.

This? Results in women who are in heterosexual relationships centering men…and therefore, often feeling sexually dissatisfied.

The truth is that your pleasure matters, your eroticism belongs to you and when you center YOUR pleasure, everything changes.

Men are used to having their pleasure centered. That’s how it is. They’ve also been conditioned that their pleasure is what matters and many of them feel entitled to a woman’s body and sexuality for their own pleasure.

It’s time we decenter the patriarchy, men and their pleasure from our own and start centering ourselves and our own pleasure.

Dare? I dare you to be 1000x more selfish and self centered.

Not just in the bedroom. Not just with a partner. But in your every day life. In my work we use a daily erotic practice and consistent self pleasure rituals as a training ground where you get to PRACTICE prioritizing and centering your own pleasure.

It starts with you taking your own pleasure into your own hands. Literally. For the past 10+ years I’ve been putting my own pleasure first by having an erotic relationship with myself through self pleasure practices.

Imagine knowing exactly how to please, satisfy and pleasure yourself. No, it’s not your partner’s job. It should be an honor for them to worship you that way, but YOU get to take control of your own pleasure and sexuality.

Imagine being able to make yourself orgasm in ways that blow your own damn mind. Like a 30-minute extended orgasm that has your eyes rolling back into your head. Or convulsing on the bed as waves of pleasure and orgasm ripple through your whole body.

Imagine screaming “omg!” because you can give yourself a g-spot, squirting or cervical orgasm using a dildo or crystal wand. So no more entertaining loser men just because you’re horny. You can give yourself multiple orgasms in the time it takes to watch one episode of Sex and the City.

I dare you to take up more space. Spread out on the bed. Moan, sigh, make sounds like you’re having a demon exorcized out of you. Ask for what you want. Make it a requirement to be intimate with you.