Hello lover,
Last night I did an Erotic Experiment…celebrating my shadows and “flaws”… instead of denying them, hiding them and pretending that they’re “bad and wrong.”
You know how when a part of us that we don’t really like to identify with comes up (like our greed, lust, scarcity, fear, judgementalness, bitchiness, slutty, self-righteous, woe-is-me, victim, etc.) and we usually unconsciously shame it, tell it “you’re bad!” and then run far far away from that part of ourselves?
We might sprinkle love and light affirmations over our pattern of scarcity, hoping it goes away.
We might try to be more of a good girl people pleaser when our inner bitch comes out, fangs dripping with blood, claws out and ready to slice…
We might deny our lust for certain sexual kinks…like being dominated, spanked or turned on by things that make us feel repulsed (yet secretly turned the f*ck on)…and pretend that we’re “wholesome,” prudish and vanilla instead.
I’m so over running away from and pushing away my shadows, because what I usually do is deprive and punish myself when I do that…in fact, I usually end up attracting and calling in even more of that, because the more I push it away and make that part of me wrong, the more power I give it.
Last night I did something new…
So what did I do? I went to Whole Foods yesterday and got myself a fine champagne, my favorite dessert (death by chocolate cake with organic strawberries on the side) and soaked in a rose petal bubble bath as I reveled in and got off on my shadows, especially around scarcity, fear and lack.
You can see my Instagram stories below where I shared my revelations during my celebration…(you can follow me on Instagram here)…
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The occasion was celebrating ALL parts of me…especially the parts that usually don’t get celebrated, but rather vilified and rejected. Champagne, rose petals bubble baths and chocolate cake for my shadows!
I even cheers’d my shadows and thanked my scarcity and fear of my own power with orgasmic delight. I realized I can’t “personal development” my way through this. The only way through is to f*cking love and get off on my shadows.
Then, I poured hot candle wax on myself, did some breathwork and imagined getting really right with my shadows (and getting off on them) using breath, touch, sound and movement…all while I luxuriously soaked in the bath.
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We often celebrate the things in life that our society deems “good, right and acceptable” to celebrate.
- Promotions
- Getting a new job
- Success in business
- Money rolling in…$20K months, 6 or 7 figures!
- Pregnancy
- Engagements…and that big ass rock on your finger!
- Marriages
- Graduations
But what about fulfillment of and celebration of our deeper, more taboo desires and shadows?
What about loving the parts of us and the patterns we have (like making the same frustrating amount of money every month…or constantly shutting down during sex and feeling hopeless…or feeling triggered by that womxn on Instagram) that we usually shame, deny and reject?
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Last night I celebrated my love of lack, scarcity, fear, drama, woe-is-me stories and the parts of me that love feeling lack no matter how much money I make or how many people I help.
I’d rather enjoy it and bring pleasure and total celebration in than make it wrong, deny it and continue suffering for it.
What about you? Are there any shadows or parts of you that you’ve been making wrong or bad? Shaming and jugding? Rejecting and disowning?…that you now want to celebrate as part of your humanity AND divinity?
Let’s have a celebratory party together. How about some champagne, chocolate and rose petals baths for your shadows too?
Love,
Amber