How is this new moon in Leo serving you? Is it shaking loose any old skeletons you’ve perhaps been hiding in the recesses of your sexual and/or emotional psyche?
It definitely has been for me.
I’ve been feeling some intense emotions, deep sexual shadows and woundings coming up (among other things) and really getting in touch with my lioness roar…which brings me to something I want to share with you around using your voice and being an advocate for your own sexuality.
Back in December I went to a local gynecologist for an evaluation, because the initial moment of penetration has been a little tight, tense and painful for me since giving birth almost a year ago.
Which is NOT normal for me, because before giving birth that moment of anticipation right before penetration and the moment my lover’s cock slid into me was my favorite part.
The connection of our sex…the intimacy…the merging and erotic sexual union. Taking him into me. Mmm yes..I always wanted more!
And now I find myself avoiding penetration sometimes…which is not what I desire for myself or my relationship.
I’ve been doing a lot of my practices like vaginal de-armoring, pussy massage, jade egg work, breathwork, vaginal steaming but I still know that I need support.
Here’s the interesting thing: my sex life is still really amazing. Orgasmic on all levels AND I also know that society would expect me to settle for this. Society would expect that the sex I’m having is good enough.
So what if it’s a little painful…just slap some lube on it, close your eyes and wince as they enter you.
Deep penetration feels amazing for me, it’s just the first minute or so is not all that great. And I caught myself thinking I should just settle for that until I realized how angry my pussy has been.
My pussy is NOT interested in settling for this…and she’s right! It goes against everything I stand for to let someone else make a decision for how much pleasure and good sex I can have.
So I asked the gynecologist to check for something…anything…that might help me figure out why I have so much pelvic tension and pain during penetration.
Because NO ONE tells you what to expect after you have a baby in terms of your body and pelvic floor. At least not from the basis and foundation of wanting to have even better sex, pleasure, orgasms and intimacy after birth.
This was her response: “You don’t appear to have anything wrong. It all looks normal.”
This is where I realized that I had to be an advocate for my own sexuality and pleasure. Not settling for “this is how things are now that you’ve had a baby.”
The whole world normalizes all of the pelvic floor and vaginal issues that womxn (or those who birth) experience post-birth.
In society it’s totally normal and common for someone to experience things like this post-birth…
- Less desire for sex
- Pain or tension during sex
- Prolapse
- Urinary incontinence
- Low libido
- Less lubrication
- etc.
These things may be common and normalized, but they’re not “normal” in terms of being permanent and definitely not something we have to accept, settle for and just live with.
Everyone’s body and sexuality is different and yes, many of these things can happen because we have sexual cycles and seasons, everyone’s birth is different, breastfeeding affects lubrication and desire, hormones, lack of sleep, etc.
But womxn specifically are conditioned to think that great sex, feeling sexy, being sexual and having better, deeper and more satisfying orgasms go out the window once a child is brought in and/or we give birth.
Instead of settling and just accepting this gynecologist’s word for it, I trusted my pussy. I asked her to refer me to a pelvic floor physical therapist. Which is what I went there for anyway.
I already had an inkling they were going to say that and I just needed the referral but had to be evaluated first.
They didn’t end up sending my referral over so I had my midwife refer me a month ago and I’ve already had two appointments with my amazing pelvic floor PT.
She made me feel so much better and my pussy lead me to the most helpful, caring, genuine and knowledgeable PT.
She whipped out her vulva puppet for me the other day and she loves talking about sex and definitely believes that it’s a womxns’ issue that we all need to wake up to.
She explained what can happen to the core muscles and pelvic floor muscles during the postpartum period, especially if I’m breastfeeding and baby wearing as much as I am.
She said that everything I’m experiencing is common AND something we can heal together and that my body is wise and can experience even better sex.
When she asked me what I wanted to get out of it I told her I want to reclaim my voice and unleash my erotic power and she wrote it down excitedly exclaiming “YES!”
She said “Let’s get you back to that magical moment of initial penetration!”
I’m so glad that I didn’t decide to just live with it…good sex is good enough and it’s totally “normal and fine” to feel pain. That doesn’t work for me.
This is the second time I’ve had to find my voice and be an advocate for my pussy and sexuality.
The first time was when I was in my early 20’s experiencing tension and urinary incontinence. I was passed around from doctor to doctor until I ended up getting a possible diagnosis of interstitial cystitis.
Their solution was to take a fancier version of a UTI pill that cost $180 a month every single month for the rest of my life. Not to cure it, mind you, but just to relieve the pain.
So I could just fucking live with it. Are you sensing a theme here?
That’s when my journey took me on a more holistic path of self-healing…which technically wasn’t self-healing, because I worked with tons of mentors, took lots of courses and most importantly, did the embodied work to heal my pussy and pelvic floor.
I’m so grateful for every mentor, course, podcast, book, healer, coach, guide, tool, modality and so on that helped me heal.
And I’m grateful that I get to have deeper support this time so that I can heal more efficiently (sometimes it takes longer when we’re on our own) and I can surrender to the process of healing and reclaim my voice, unleash my erotic power and get back to the magic of initial penetration!
I’d love for you to take some time over the next few days and get curious about your relationship with being an advocate for your own sexuality and pussy (or genitals).
- Where does your erotic voice feel lost or unheard?
- Where are you not advocating for your sexuality?
- Where or how do you need to roar your lioness roar?
- Where have you been settling or just living with something that deep down you know is slowly causing a part of your sexuality to die inside?
I love you!
x
Amber