I’ve noticed some interesting things coming up for me sexually as of recently. I’m very into playing with archetypes — erotic archetypes in this context — to help heal, awaken and embody parts of my sexuality even deeper.
Archetypes help me see what parts of myself I’m denying, shaming, hiding, silencing, repressing or even afraid of expressing. The archetype I’ve been dancing with a lot is the slut or seductress energy.
I’ll admit I feel very vulnerable with her teachings right now. I’ve been through many rounds with my “sacred slut” over the years, but being pregnant and preparing to transition to motherhood is showing me how I had actually been reaching a very shallow relationship with her.
It was perfect for where I was each time I worked with her, but I’ve noticed myself feeling dirty, ashamed, afraid, unsure and more uncomfortable feelings that are surfacing lately.
This is a good thing. Despite how raw, open and vulnerable I feel, I know that it’s only going to help me release shame, transmute trauma into sexual energy and finally own those slutty, seductive parts of myself that I’ve been so terrified to acknowledge and own.
Erotic dance and embodying my “sexual shadow” archetype(s) allows me to access and excavate (with love and acceptance) anything that is hidden, repressed and shamed. These are just a couple of my sexual shadow work tools. I can bring all of the shadows to the surface and transmute them.
Even the taboo, fucked up parts of myself. Like I mentioned previously, this slut and seductress energy has been hitting me hard lately. I’m noticing the ways in which I play small to stay safe…to suppress my sexual energy in order to be loved, to appease, to feel safe or like I belong and am acceptable…and good.
It’s what I learned to master as a child. I remember being taken to the doctor as a small child to find out what was wrong with me. I’m assuming my parents thought I had some kind of temper tantrum, epileptic fits or other issue going on, but what was really happening?
I was highly orgasmic at age 2 and quickly became addicted to the pleasure and surge of energy (life-force, sexual energy) and how it connected me to the divine — at least to the level my baby brain could comprehend it at that time.
But I learned to contract this energy. I bottled it up, but that didn’t stop the addiction or the need to release it several times a day. I’d feed it as often as I could. Like a caged, hungry beast. Even when others were around, but they didn’t know what was actually happening. It’s still a joke for my family.
But it was something that brought me deep, deep shame and a lot of pelvic and vaginal pain after every climax basically up until 4 years ago.
And I know that shame is lurking when I feel those sensations return in my pelvis or vagina. They let me know “hey, you’ve still got something here. You’re still hiding from your sexual energy, shadows and your erotic power. You’re still judging this energy and your pleasure.”
I’m in this practice right now of noticing. It’s an awareness practice. I don’t try to change, act or force myself. It’s an edge that I’m inching towards each day. I notice the ways in which I hold myself back. Especially in my relationship.
There are times where I want to say something desirous to him, do something to him, give him a seductive look or full on launch myself at him because I want him…and at times (quite often lately) I hold back. I doubt myself. I shame myself a bit. I judge the desire. I’m fucking terrified of it.
It brings up one of my deepest core wounds. That this energy inside of me isn’t safe. That it makes me bad, evil, wrong. That it will make him abandon me if he fully experiences my expression. That he won’t love me or approve of these sides of my sexuality or my fully expressed sexual energy.
I realize now that I only express the tip of the iceberg in terms of my sexual energy. So I’m meeting this edge. Day by day I’m going to push myself a little farther. I’m going to trust that I’m not bad or wrong for this energy existing inside of me (as it does for us all). And slowly I’m going to integrate my seductress…my slut and welcome her back home again.
How exactly do I continue to excavate and welcome home my sexual shadows? Through embracing the dark erotic within and practicing sexual shadow work.
The erotic is life-force. It’s Eros. It pulses inside of everything from the heartbeat of a newborn to the fleshy thighs of two lovers meeting. From the taste of a juicy peach in the summertime to the electrical energy you feel after dancing completely uninhibited.
Eros exists when you create something or when you enjoy something, whether sexual or not. It’s in the humming purr of a cat to the deep belly laughs around a campfire. The flowers that blossom open in their pussy-esque or phallic shapes. The scent of burning incense lingering in the room.
Eros also has a darker flavor that I like to work with. It’s the expression of our sexual shadows. For me the dark erotic represents lust, seduction and still has this beating pulse of life-force flowing through it. Through this representation and expression we can release shame around our erotic nature and come home to our sexual wholeness.
This brings me to sexual shadow work.
Sexual shadow work is something that I’m very passionate about and definitely interested in both exploring and teaching on a deeper level. I teach a whole module about shadow work in my course, Solo Sex Magic.
You can get a taste of it here by downloading my Solo Sex Magic ebook and joining my erotic email community.
In short, shadow work is learning to integrate the parts of ourselves that we have rejected, repressed and disowned most likely at a young age because we felt those parts were unlovable, unsafe or unacceptable.
The ego splits into two parts – the conscious mind (what we have awareness of | what is in the light) and the sub-conscious/unconscious mind (what we don’t have awareness of | what is in the shadow).
Those parts that we deem unacceptable are shoved into a deep, dark box in the unconscious psyche…the shadow…and also in our pussies as women (that’s another topic for another day though).
Sexual shadow work is specifically integrating those parts of our sexuality that we’ve disowned and hidden. It’s about returning to our original erotic and sexual wholeness. We were all born whole and through conditioning, socialization and any traumatic, shaming and/or violating experiences our Self fractures and fragments sexually.
Our sexual self splits up into different parts and we might repress and project our sexuality onto others. We might slut shame or attack others who express what we repress. We might use power, control or other manipulative dynamics to get something from someone using our sexuality in unhealthy ways (i.e the Succubus or Siren archetypes).
We might find ourselves addicted to fantasy, porn, quick sex, power play, perversions that we don’t understand, etc. We might find ourselves trapped in sexual dichotomies — the virgin or the whore, Lilith or Eve. We might be so shut down that our sexual energy is frozen and we can’t experience orgasms, pleasure or true sexual gratification.
One of my favorite practices that gets me in touch with my shadow (and any archetypes, parts of my Self or energies that need some love and acceptance) is through erotic dance.
This morning I was feeling all of this so heavy. There was some grief mixed in there too for many reasons and so I created a ritual for myself.
I “transmuted” into my seductress/slut archetype, which for me means that I allowed myself to step into her as if she’s an outfit or a costume that will allow me to feel her as if I am her. To become One with her. To let her energy flow through me, completely uninhibited.
I can do this energetically by imagining that I am merging with her. Letting her take over. Gazing in the mirror and watching the darkness in my eyes reflect that shift is helpful.
Or I can combine this energetic transmutation with a more physical, tangible change. Like putting on skimpy lingerie, dark eye makeup, certain music to match my mood, thigh high stockings or fishnets (these are things my slut loves), etc.
Creating a mind-body connection always helps me feel it more tangibly so this morning I put on a piece of black lingerie, some hoop earrings and turned on my Shadow Seductress playlist on Spotify so that I could feel as if I was her. To summon her forth from the depths of that deep, dark box I usually keep her in.
I gazed in my own eyes in the mirror, feeling her come out and become one with me like two lovers becoming One.
I danced on my bed, writhing around, touching myself in a raw, sexual way. I breathed deeply and sounded out moans or cries of grief or growls of rage — anything that wanted to move from my sacral chakra up and out of my throat chakra.
I danced against the wall, seducing myself deeper into the shame, grief, repression and fear of this energy.
At one point, as I was rolling around on my bed listening to music that stirred up some old memories of being betrayed by lovers in the past, I felt as if I was in a wild orgy with many different archetypes and goddesses.
My shadow seductress/slut. The Hindu goddess Kali as I growled and hissed, letting my tongue hang completely out, exposing my throat. Lilith. This dark sex priestess energy from a past life. It was as if we were all rolling around and making love together.
I let myself wail, scream, hiss, growl, cry and simply be with all of it. This was the sexual shadow work medicine I needed today.
There’s SO much more to sexual shadow work. I’m working on a video masterclass so I’d love to know what your questions, comments and curiosities are around sexual shadow work.
Feel free to drop them below and again, sign up for my weekly email sex tips so that you can get notified when I release whatever it is that is brewing inside of me around the dark erotic, sexual shadow archetypes and shadow work.
xx
Amber